Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, “I really love you”. They’re just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there’s something about them in that moment that makes you think, “I just really love you”
I was trying to tell you how jealous I was
Just like you just want my attention
I want all of yours
Why are you always criticizing me? Always! It’s not fair because it’s like all i do is compliment you and point out all the wonderful things about you
It isn’t fair that you feel like I don’t see what you do for me because I fucking do. You always pull that shit on me as If I was ungrateful. I’m tired of you telling me I don’t appreciate everything you do because all you fucking do for me is all materialistic shit. I can’t even point out certain things to you because you get so angry. Remind me, who took a full time job? The same person who got fucking upset when I got offered two fucking part time jobs and said we weren’t going to see each other. I’m tired of your fucking hypocrisy.
And then you say you just spend all your time trying to please me? Who the fuck asked you too? I’m my even materialistic and you know it, you know all I’ve ever wanted from you was a night in doing nothing. Is that too much to fucking ask????????????? But then you said that pleasing shit like I force you to come over every day and I fucking don’t. You chose all that on your own. You ask ME everyday if you can come over and of course I say yes because God forbid I say no then spark up another fight. And I do want to see you.
You treat me like a child. Always wanting to know where I’m going, how I’m going to get there, who’s taking me, who will be there! My mom doesn’t even ask me that shit so what fucking entitles you to? I get that you fucking care but you don’t own me.
And sometimes you are so controlling
Like you don’t let me feel.
I can’t say someone on tv is hot without you getting upset. THEY’RE ON FUCKING TV!!!!! And obviously I’m going to find other people attractive, just like you do, even though you promised you would never. We all know that’s some fucking BS because I’m not even that pretty.
I can’t even go out with my friends anymore. But WHILE you’re at work
I have. If you weren’t at work and I went out you’d get upset or be jealous. And actually you still got upset because you were at work and I still went. Wtf??!???!?!!??
Onto the first thing I was talking about, you’re willing to sacrifice more for your friends than me. You can stay out later with them because you spend the day with me and it’s not fair to them. Who the fuck are you really trying to please????? Me or them?? Because it sounds like them!!!!!! Especially if you think something’s not fair for them.
Sometimes I wish I would’ve never posted that tbh. Maybe I wouldn’t be this out of my fucking mind.
All I get from you is to hate myself more and more each day, each fight, each argument. But how the fuck am I just supposed to walk away? You have something I can never get back and I just feel trapped bc I don’t want there to be more than one. Ughhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!
not many people will read this, but I need to get this out somehow and to someone. Thank you if you did.
I finally began to fully recover from my eating disorder and started eating multiple times a day. I was so proud of myself.
Then people began to tell me how I’ve gained weight. And how my face looks fuller and how I’ve put on a few pounds. I constantly fought myself to not step on a scale because I KNEW I would not like the outcome, but when multiple people are coming up to me just to comment on my weight, I began to wonder.
I weighed myself and I saw that I had gained 20 pounds. Not one, or two, or five, or ten… 20. My heart sank and I felt disgusted with myself. I was finally so happy to be eating without beating myself up over it. I was finally so happy to be eating regularly and be healthy. And a couple of comments just took that away from me.
I’ve started to see the change and how much bigger I really am and I’m beginning to become depressed again. I feel awful in bathing suits, my jeans don’t fit me anymore and I had to get new sized bras. I’m fighting so hard to stay strong.
Lately I’ve been going out shopping and I’ve noticed my old sizes don’t fit me. I’ve gone up in everything. And it’s so sad because I try something so beautiful on hoping it’ll fit me and make me feel better but nothing does. I sit in fitting rooms and cry because I’m disgusted with myself. I feel pathetic knowing that I’m sitting there crying while there’s an entire line of people standing outside waiting to try their clothes on as well.
Today, I went shopping shopping with my aunt, looking for things for my family and not really expecting to buy anything for me. But I saw this dress. Black, with lace and rhinestones. I thought “what the heck?! Might as well try something on!” And so I grabbed It and went to the fitting room. I took off my clothes and stood In front of the dressing room mirror and just looked so disappointed. I was convincing myself to not try on the dress because I knew I’d look terrible in it. Something told me to try it on anyways.
I put on the dress and what do you know, I started crying again. But this time, they were tears of joy. It actually fit.
It was one of those dresses that ruffled in the front so It made it seem like I didn’t have much of a gut. (Lol) I was so happy and just so excited to have found something I loved on myself. I even took a picture in it.
I FINALLY felt pretty! I finally didn’t feel hatred and disgust towards myself.
I went out and showed my aunt and she just knew that I was really happy with it. She knew how I felt towards myself and I guess felt elated as well, she bought me the dress.
Me getting this dress signified for me change. And hope. I can change my appearance and more importantly my thoughts and views on myself. I know I can do it. I just have to be patient. Like finding this dress, it took forever to find something I liked on me, and once I did, I couldn’t have been more happy.